head pain. :' (

gee! iv been sleeping with my hair wet almost everyday and now im like having a severe headache. :( sooooo pain. :'(

And i never knew that waking up in the morning to run feels so great! the smell of the morning air. ahhh... energizing. been waking up early in the morning to run to start my day and sleeping early to end my day. it feels great. :) But now im having a severe headache, how to conc on my studies. :(

later got umpiring at KNC. i guess ive really improved alot. i think ive to really thank E. for that major major feedback e other nite. its not easy being an umpire. fitness has to be up and has to be mentally strong. thats wad i FEEL. so! that makes umpiring really challenging. And the more challenging it is, the more i wouldnt wana give up. ouhwell, HEADDDD PAINNNN :(

and do u believe in law of attraction? because i totally believe in it. TOTALLY.

sleek body

Give me a sleek and tone body.

Manage it from the start

Continued on the previous post. i was reading merry riana's blog on her journey of her life. Truely, she is an inspiring woman.

She earn her first million in sales industry selling insurance under prudential when she was only 23. she works really really hard and she said" there is no elevator to success" i believe in that quote. It is never a short cut to success. it always take HARD WORK. And now, she owns her firm life insurance firm called merry riana's organisation. wow. thats really motivating. she's my role model now.

Gotta work really really hard. JIAYOU! :)

inspiring article.

A CREED TO LIVE BY
(Author: Nancyesims)

Don't undermine your worth by comparing
yourself with others,
It is because we are different that each
of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people
deem important,
Only you know what is best for you.

Don't take for granted the things closest
to your heart,
Cling to that as you would your life, for without
them life is meaningless.

Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living
in the past or the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the
days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give
Nothing is really over … until the moment
you stop trying.

Don't be afraid to admit that you are less
than perfect,
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's
impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly,
And the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your Dreams. To be without
dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast that you forget
where you've been,
But also know where you're going.

Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored
every step of the way.

Taken from Merry Riana's blog. i think she's a really inspiring asian lady who earns her first million when she's 26! Gee. google her

STUDY HARD & PLAY HARD

"Some lessons are better learned through observation, rather than experience. "

hmm.. i should start doing that alot more often.

:)

PHOTOSHOOTS BABEY! :D

pondering on life

When you are young, its only right that you spend your youth wisely and experience everything before you grow old and everything starts to wither. By the time you realised what exactly you want in life, its already too late, it will never be as great when you started younger. it is true that you should follow your dreams and do what you want in life. it is right that you live life just once.

it is right to be hardworking and gain as much as possible out of what you do.

Live life wisely. There's still so much more to explore in this universe. Life is indeed short. A blink of an eye, 20years of my life has pass..i should have gone for what i wanted and stick to it but i wasnt sure if that is what i wanted, to excel in sports. i really regretted not doing it earlier..wen u're young , u really have no idea what you want in life. no wonder kids have to be pushed all the time.i couldnt let my life go just like that again..

:)

I miss you actually,if you know who you are.

When there is no one else, there is you.

National YEC 2010 race!

My mascot wore the inside as the outside. lol! Joke of the day. No wonder he can sweat so much faster!. haha! But well done JM.! u did an excellent job. :) but i dunno why my mascot ended up without a mouth. zzz. and i dunno why my mascot T-shirt so tight fitting.And my mascot was supposed to be FAT! come to think of it! But ohwell, everyone still loves the mascot. :)

Thats all i have for the event. The rest of the photos are with the photographer and the committee.

Today was 1 hell of a day for me.

The moment i reached the destination, i saw pple wearing the T-shirt designed by my friend S. i felt really happy and proud of her. i was secretly smiling once going to the registration area. And the whole committee has only 1 goal, which is to make this whole event a success! And apparently it did! Just abit of hiccups here and there. Everyone was very friendly, helpful and cooperative. :) Thats wad it shld be. Its so much easier wen everyone has the same goal. You help one another.

Woke up at 530.FYI. i spent a total of 12hrs at the event to help out. M. i want my CIP hours hor! ha ha!

Reached at 715, was alot clueless on what to do cuz my PR side was to jus design what was given. I am proud of my designer friend S. afterall, design student still noes better.ohwell. Even the simplest design for the cert, i cannot even do properly. how am i even supposed to do the photography backdrop? it would be a disaster! But i was quite disappointed in myself cuz I FAILLED!

i failed to finish what i was given. I failed to do it and give it my best. it would not happen again. i promise!

So den, my mascot finally arrived! i was totally so proud and ecstatic cuz everyone loves my mascot. awww! that was the very moment that $ cannot buy. the moment of satisfaction and fulfillment. You may think that its so easy to just come up with an animal. But trust me, wen you are really doing it. i was really clueless! clueless! which animal? which exactly? shld i choose this? shld i choose that? no, it doesnt reflect on the environment, i cant jus choose this cuz i like it. the mascot has t be chosen for a meaning. ahh. stressed! it was so hard to make a decision. Den, have to think about the shirt, what colour it shld be, dark green?light green?brown?blue?dark blue? but its not suitable,hmm. Think dark green still reflects best on the environment. :)

Help here and there, ended up, taking care of my mascot the whole day. fun fun!

Cant wait for the pictures to be up.

So we packed up after and headed home. Took the train back and i was standing cuz its so packed.suddenly this stupid ahlian malay baby dropped the bottle of wadeva black syrup inside on the floor and it spilled onto my leg. nb. i have t scold vulgarities. fuck man. SO PISSED OFF! urgh! its like so sticky! bldyhell.so i turned around and ask them for tissue papers and they say dunhave. nb. even more pissed off, instantly my face got so black and blood rushes up to my face. i can feel the heat. it felt like at any moment i can jus stab them. thats how mad i was. urghh! so pissed! i wanted to quarrel with them in the train but apparently my brain function slightly slower until like few mins later. waahhh. ta boleh tahan sia! stupid malay mom. urgh!Best still, there are indian kids infront of me playing with eachother. bldyhell, stepped on my topshop shoe! nb. not just once but many times. urgh! wads with today man! after that took the train at JE,wahh. i was sitted next t this TYPICAL indian man, wahhhh. the odor is O.M.G. ur respiratory system can instantly tell ur brain to STOP BREATHING. wads with today man seriously.

Lastly, mom complaint t dad about her meds and i asked her wad happened. she said i told her t take double dose of antibiotic. O.M.G! i tot i saw 2 tabs! but it was 2 times! wahhh. my eyes playing tricks.prolly i was too tired den. crap! luckily nth happened to her and no wonder for the past few days she had headache. that was the SE. wahh. i am deem t b punished. wth la merina! own mom also can be so careless. deem to be scolded too.

Tell me, isnt this 1 hella day for me?And i cant sleep yet, need to study. Tim sms me t go club. crazyy mannnnn. Tmr still need t meet my friend t celebrate bday,mon meeting another friend t catch up. wahh. i will nv change. Busy and hardworking as a bee!

KEEP FIGHTING MERINA!

:)

"It will never be a easy journey to achieve your goals, never will"

pondering

is it normal to have second thoughts about what you are about to do? i am having seconds thoughts on going to do Jaw surgery to correct my jaw misalignment,however its only just a slight misalignment but i cannot turn back now. Since ive decided, ive to stick to it. Besides the orthodontist has already extracted two of my teeth. Sigh. am i making the right decision to even go for the Jaw surgery? And i suddenly realized that why my orthodontist pluck out 2 of my teeth?! Shldnt he jus pluck 1 out since he is just gona pull my other teeth in line?y must pluck the other? Gee! It is all worth the pain for what i want? Gee..

what u want out of your live?

"Study the past, live the present and plan for the future."

Some people pissed me off today! urgh.

suprised.

Dad says that dun expect so much from people cuz at the end of the day, what you get in return is disappointment.

ohwell. i have to agree to that. And my poly friends actually gave me my bday PREZZIE! awww. so sweet of them and they did the card during lectures. awww. becuz of me they din listen to lectures. hmm. that was a suprised! THANKS BABES! :)

And ouh. Gona thanks my bffs and their boyfriends who celebrated my bday. me footing the bill was unexpected mann. thats so not the tradition lorrr. ohwell.. but thanks for the effort and the gift. :) cant believed we've been friends for 7years already? we must continue t contact until we attend each other's wedding oh. :)

how to get to my goal?

Umpired tonite's Div 6 game, E. said that ive improved. :D

Gotta continue t keep practicing and learn from the Best. Indeed its about the journey, not exactly the destination yet. Its not easy getting to the destination but thats wad u want, so u gona stay focus and fight it hard. Humans are judgmental and im guilty of that,however ive been learning not to judge but to understand what made them be this way. u get scoldings, u get backstabbing, u get criticizing, u get people complaining about u. u get people judging you that you're hopeless. But who cares. really, at the end of the day, u got to know what exactly u want, what exactly is your goal. Be it if people are faster. so what?! at the end of the day, you still get what you want, just that u're slower. but really SO WAD? i guess im beginning to understand what it takes to get to your goal. ive to stick to these and finish up what i intend for since ive decided to get it started, i shld finish it. Thats my principle of life.

And today, ive got a friend who said this: enjoy now, you dunno wen u're gona die, what if u die tmr?"

i wasnt really pondering over this qn cuz i say that wad if god wants you to continue to live until u're old and withered? If i were to die tmr, it means that im a god damn kind person that god decided to take me back with him. As far as possible, i wana live for a meaning and not give in to temptations.

Til date, my long term goal is still stuck in my head, thinking..all the time and how am i gona get there.

i dun love $, ive got a goal, or rather many goals and tat requires me t have $$.

i jus wana retire in Australia or somewer that is paradise! i wana own a horse stable and let handicapped kids to ride horses! i wana be in paradise. And how the hell do i get there? no $ no paradise! i wana scuba dive everyday, i wana be financially free so that i can travel werever i want, explore this whole EARTH that god has created and help the kids in poorer countries. Am i born to do all that?

ohwell, just letting my thoughts run thru to get me back on track, on my goal.

til den. :)

months of effort gone down to drainn

"Only eat in MODERATION"

VEGETS,PROTEIN AND FRUITS,EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE.

VEGETS,PRTEIN AND FRUITS,EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE.

VEGETS,PRTEIN AND FRUITS,EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE.

VEGETS,PROTEIN AND FRUITS,EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE.

VEGETS,PROTEIN aND FRUITS,EXERCISE EXERCISE EXERCISE.

its always easy for temptation to get u and its always hard to control.

MODERATION!

easily satisfied

Hmm. even tho i still think that my 20th bday is a pathetic 1, however. Just that little click on FB and type HAPPY BDAY MERINA! really makes my day. thats how much it can make merina happy. :) Easily satisfied.

But ive to say its really sweet to see friends spamming my fb with happy bday wishes. If only all of them spam me with bday GIFTS, wouldnt that be even more AWESOME? hmm. 21st 21st! hei hei! ALRITEY. ive alr spent almost a week wasting my time, ive got like unfinished work t be done. no more for chillax session. its overrrr! BACK T WORK! FOCUS TIME NOW.

:)

"People can say all they want, but those who do not listen and do what they think is right

its RESPECTABLE"

hit the club

Ytd went t club, impromptu decision, celebrated with some friends and they're damn nice luh. Really made my day.Got in rebel for free and drunk shots like fuck. Friend paid like fuck. But ohwell, it was a nasty nite for him. He lost his bldy iphone luh. Gee. Den made friends with this 2 funny boys. ha ha.

But apparently some decided to ditch on my bday. DITCH ON MY BDAY MAN. fuck.

i duno what to say. so disappointing. hai. So party like hell ytd and reached home at 5, woke up at 730 t prepare t head t sch. apparently i wasnt wasted ytd. GOOD JOBB. :) and now im here blogging.

Ytd was a toast t my pathetic and sad 20th bday. nvm. i chose t let it be that way. thats soooo not gona happen for my freaking 21st!

And also, im damn disappointed and angry at the same time! my goal is t lose weight and by right i shld continue t lose or jus maintain my weight but recently i jus din have t discipline to control what i eat. i literally OVEREAT. thinking that oh, it wont kill, it wont kill. but apparently, it kills! shittt. now ive to go on an excessive low-carbo and liquid diet + excessive and tons of freaking exercise regime. IM SO DISAPPOINTED with my actions. CRAP! time to recover and control man merina. two days of social drinking. crazyyyyyy luh. i need t put a stop already. no more clubbing,or mayb no more drinking. :)

adios.

pathetic 20th bday. its okay. cuz thats wads ive intended for.

gona make my 21st a blast.thats what i will want to intend for.

Side-track from yesterday til today.

A word t describe

"SHIT"

billionaire live acoustic

SWEET! :)

Its not about the destination, its about the journey

For that split second, that very moment, you just feel so frustrated with life and think that why are other people so much more fortunate.

BUT

Look at the bright side, im going 20 soon, which i still have a long way to go..long way to create your own life.

so..carry on living and live life to the fullest!

I think im sick. :'(

i think im sick. ;'(

i kept wanting t sneeze, but i cant, its so itchy. :(

My throat seems to have phlegm. Thanks to my impulsive action of eating chilli paste like kaya paste in my bread! :'( i literally took a spoon filled and spread on my sandwich and eat it, more den once. Best thing, its not hot to me. Im the chilli queen. hah! But thanks to that, im sick now. :(

thinking

hmm. my bday is just 1 more week and im wondering whose gona celebrate my bday, and i wonder who will remembers my bday. Have you ever have a tot about who will rmb ur bday?its curious to have anonymous hp no. wishing u happy bday, its curious t have pple wishing u on fb, but who exactly? hmm. sometimes u just want that particular person t call or text u or even ask u out or give u gifts. Tho u verbalize and says that its jus the 20th bday, but deep inside, u will wonder tho. Gee. And i am wondering if that person will do all that. Sigh. ohwell. i hope that person does tho 99% chance i doubt he will...

Ohwell, anyway im working on my bday too. So i guess it doesnt matter. Morning 9am having some YOG talk, den 2-10pm working at Woodlands Clarins. Gee. Next day working at wisma morning shift. ohwell. And im gona have a pre-assessment this wed for C-badge. Pls pls hope that the assessors will say that im ready for the actual test. Pls pls!

OKAYY! Enuff of thinking, TIME TO RESEARCH FOR MY FYP!!!!!!!

ADIOS!

;)

COMPARE KIDS IN THE PAST AND NOW

:D

BOREDOM

I LOOK LIKE SHIT! BUT NVM! ITS ONLY FOR TEMPORARY! AND I THINK MY TOOTH HAS SHIFT!

Braces make me SWALLOW and Gabble all the food down and have huge craving for fatty food and supper and CARBO! shittt. time to draw back. i dun wana go back to the old FATTY me! im happy with the slim me nowwwww

Just now went for the RULES in ACTIONS at KNC. wow. i tot i was prepared and well-equipt. but the moment E. bomb us with scenarios, we were totally blank. Gee! need loads of reading up of "bible" now. C badge, just so you wait, im so coming to get U!

PHOTOSHOOTS! :D

(EDITED VERSION)

umpired

Wee! went to umpired Division 4 netball game and im pretty satisfied with the way i umpired. i tried my best already. But what matters most is that the players are happy and im happy. i think thats wads most impt! hmm. keeping my plan all checked. And my netball friend V. is damn nice! she bought me organiser sia! which cost 6.9$ zzz. she must be rich. she knew my organiser is more like mess-aniser.hah! so yea. and my friend sent me to the bus stop with her bike. SHIOK.

Overall, hopefully i can get badged! C BADGED! im coming to get you. And K. was tellin me to join Aciers for trg, every wed evening til 10pm. hmm. not so much of commitment tho. just 1 day of the wk. Shld be fine. But if thats e case, i cannot go club on WED! miannn.

And lastly, i did some photoshoots at Capella, managed to convince my photographer to shoot der. phew! Overall shoot was an enjoyable, fun and satisfying. im happy with the shoots tho. i even sacrifices my maxi dress for creative shots mannn. Cant wait for him to send me the photoshoots! :)

PISSED

ive been thinking alot lately, and everytime i do and i need someone t listen, there u are blog, always der for me ALL THE TIME. okay fine, since my sister insist to have just a brother den fine! i dun need a sister anyways. And she's always old enuff, why does she wana bother about who i went out with. And she bothers, she shld show more care and concern.Apparently, she dun bother. so why stalking? FUCK THE SHIT OFF!

and i know what i want, i know what i am doing. i just wana hang around and explore the world more. i dun wana just study and be ignorant of the world. its still not enuff. People do say this and that, but you just wana experience to see if its the truth. you will not believe until you try it do you. it all applies to every single person damn it! we're nt communicating and its my fault? someone gotta do smth about it but definitely not me! im so dead sure of what i am doing and i'll promise myself that i'm gona have alot richer and better life that she is! just so that she doesnt start burdening me! WHY DO I EVEN HAVE THAT SORT OF SISTER?! i think she's gona be a bad mom! urgh! pissed!

ponderingt

Hmm. i'm still pondering if i should get the floral top from topshop and the knitted dress. Ive tot of getting the tregging too. Gee. But its alittle too expensive. Knitted dress is already 119, floral top 69$ and the tregging is like 69$? And tats e charles and keith's heels. Damn SEX! i think its about 71$ or smth. Gee. Total up will be 328$?! Gee! :( i dun think i can get the clothes. Sigh. now that ive got an extra things to pay, my braces. 4.6K man. Each mth ive to pay for my insurance and my braces. Minus-ing off 50% of my allowance. If i were to buy, i left like 15% of my allowance and ive to use the previous mth's savings to pay for my necessity. sigh, ohwell, i guess i cannot afford buying Topshop clothes, its too expensive.I need to find another job. But my face like crap, Shit man. FACE OH FACE! FASTER HEALLLLL!!!i need you to earn $ for meeee!!!!!! my bank account is depleting like shit. i left like 50% to pay for my braces. some pple are so much fortunate than i am, can be so carefree, dun have to think about anything but ive to think abt $,man.. $ problem. always $. Guess i haven been thinking about it for awhile.

Photo-taking backdrop

i was brain stuck for a couple of days before i managed to come up with the concept of a city,YOUTHFUL AND COLOURFUL. however i dun think the design im able to do is that YET. anw its just the 1st draft. will do more improvement on it. The one which has colour background is taken from the internet and i just changed the background. dun think its good enuff.

Comment pple! do you think u'll wanna take photo with it?zzz

so pissed!

Things are starting to heat up more when i run thru the whole incident of my sis over and over again. Ytd wen out with my malay guyfriend. he's just my secondary school friend and he needed to talk about his probs with me and stuff. And so happened that my sis caught both of us coming home late on a bike. zzz. She actually hide behind the wall to see what we are up to. What sort of sister is that? a sister that do not trust her own sister. like WTH? Everyone says that she cares, but seriously, i think i see things alot more clearer than anybody does. the thing is that SHE DOES NOT TRUST ME! if she really cares, i can sense that. the care she gives is different. she's just the sort of person that distrust others and wants to find out more about wat the heck they are doing. she said that "ur boyfriends are getting from bad to worse and y are u even hanging out with a malay?" gee! i really feel for my malay friend. she also said"u'll be a burden to me in the future." cousin said:" oh, its just money issue afterall"

wth la. i'll be a burden? damn it! sees who is really burdening who. wen ur 12 yo husband dies, dun burden me,make sure u burden ur own kids but not me! i will never be a BURDEN to anyone! and afterall, if its due to money issue, freak man, i'm gona get an oldman to be my boyfriend, a sugardad and i'll be their mistress and makes sure that he gives me loads of $ to throw at my sis's face! damn it!

If my sis really care, she'll have the time to talk to me. But seriously, i dun think my cousin can really see the whole picture. she's just being distrusting. she dun trust me, fancy telling pple that "she's my sister" its such a great shame to be her sister. i wouldnt want a sister like her who do not trust my decision-making. DAMN! so freaking pissed!

i hope i dun have t attend her dumb stupid wedding.

And the best thing is taht she's making the mistake her own. she's with a 12yo man! y? becuz he's finacially stable and he treats her well and oh. of cuz he is financially well, he's afterall past the age of crisis already, ready for another marriage. zzz im only 19,going 20 man. i noe what i am doing! All she has to do is not sneak behind my butt and asking shit! if she really cares, she shld spend her stupid time on facebook, talking to me. i think that is truly caring. Else just FUCK IT. GET OFF MY LIFE! u're no longer a threat to me.

no worries, i'll make sure i'll do GOD DAMN WELL in life so that i will NOT BURDEN HER! prolly, NEVER! she better not burden me.

braces on!Gee

Gee, finally i got my braces on! But the orthodonist were saying that i have to take solid food for at least a week.Gee! i tried biting papaya and its so painful! i cant even bite the papaya properly. gee! Ytd tried eating sushi! but apparently, im more like chewing and swallowing it. And i think 1/4 of the rice of the sushi is either stuck or hidden at the back of my teeth. WAHLAOOO.

i have to gurgle to get the food out.

And my brother is really funny. he said" mei, wen you cme home, you have to bath and take out contact lenses, now you have to brush your braces.." zzz thanks luh. Not only tat. After bath still have to do skin care at nite. gee! tahts alot to manage you noe. Not bad, i can managed. :D

Later gona go clubbing with Elaine babe! WEEE. so long nv meet her up alreadyy.

Til den. :)

Absolutely glad!

Check that out. NYEC gona use the mascot i created for the next few years. :) indeed it is an opportunity for me. im really glad that i stayed on and finish what i have to. *pat myself on my back.

anw, im really proud that our project is in good progress. Absolutely detailed. but not sure 20mins is really enuff. *another pat on my back.

Anw i came up with the mascot write up to represent NYEC.- mascot write up

This Mascot is a polar bear. I chose polar bear is because polar bears suffer the most from the climate changes that we people created. It is due to all the pollutions from human activities and partly causing global warming. Though we suffer too, from the blazing sun. But polar bears have to suffer from the cause the most. Global warming threatens the polar bear by permanently damaging its Arctic habitat. We created more heat and causing the ice cap to melt. We are beginning to slowly destroying the home of other creatures. Therefore, using the polar bear as our mascot signifies the gambit to intensify climate change hysteria.

The mascot will be called Ice/Icy

The mascot will be made wearing just a shirt with the association logo. It’s to represent the association and allow the public to know that we are trying to save the Earth. It will also be a standing polar bear so it will look cuter and able to walk about. It should be standing tall, big and fat.

Keep it up Merina! keep fighting to see wer your potentials can really take you. :)JIAYOU!

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

What are you trying to pull off this time? i fb-ed you and obviously you have read the msg becuz u can still play FB games.

And you said you will reply to me for what i hv blogged. why when i blogged my extreme feelings for you, i cannot nth from you. no replies at all. what are you pulling off?

TELL ME!

before i go mental!

BUSY!

So busyyy! week 4 i got so many school thing due on that week! GAWD! 2 ICA ppt, 2 assessment skills, 1 FYP ppt! wk5 is to hand in the critics of the FYP journal. wk11 gona have 3 major examinations. Den wk 17-20 got YOG. wahh. Den wk 20-21 got another 3 major exams! gee! so busy! Gona fight and focus hard to score GPA 3.8! JIAYOU grp members and jiayou to myself too! i got totally no time for conflicts and shit in class anymore.

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Gee. how can anyone be able to believe that you, working in an educated society, yet you can have him controlling everything? So afterall, he is really something instead of nth. And dun tell anyone? aint i typing to you everything showing to everyone now? And how he checks your email? He DO NT HAVE THE RIGHTS TO. you're his employee who works for him. Not some dirt. Wad you did to him that you deserve to be punished like that?And i am giving you an extra solution, use public phone to call me, or call lixin or emily or whoever. Or get your sister to call me and tell me what is going on. Or use your sis's FB to tell me what is going on. Is that enuff solutions yet? Not enuff, i can give you more. Nth is impossible. Im sure you are smarter than he is. If you still cannot think of ways to contact me DIRECTLY than contact me INDIRECTLY to contact me directly. Else i think there isnt a point for you to continue reading my blog and me blogging you. And i dun think J will do anything, he is so famous in the media now. We wun dare to do anything, tell me if im wrong. Im giving you 1 week to contact me, no matter wad. If you have no solutions, i will help you. And if until now, you still decide not to tell me. Only unsound and naive mind will believe what you say. You can always send your sister or whoever to tell me what is going on if you think you cannot afford to risk it. You can use your sis's hp to call me. If all these are not the right solutions and still not enuff for you to remove J completely. Dun worry, by den i will noe what i really want to do. I will stop blogging about how much i missed you etc etc. i will definitely detest you, i will definitely want you OUT OF MY LIFE, i will definitely condemn you and ohya, just a reminder, females are bitches when they are hurt or angry, so i dunno if you want to trigger that in me. If you really love me, prove it to me or ask your God to talk to me. i dun want you to text, i want you to either call me or get someone you and i noe to look up and tell me what is wrong. If you do not have the guts to tell me that actually, you met a new girl and you're dating her or you cannot afford to "feed" me or you dunwant me to think that you're incapable cuz ur not earning much or actually whateva you told me abt J threatening and stuff are all lies to get me out of your life. Really, it is really fine with me. So long you tell me the truth, i wont condemn you or wadeva. No worries. i keep my word.

Your 1 week starts now. Thursday 29/04/2010(dun need to feel stress, you got until next thursday)

Anw, after i lost a slight weight, my boobs shrink Drastically. Gee. that is really saddening. From C to B cup ah. Mayb A cup. :( Must be sm1 cursing me. My boob seems to shrink over nite. :( SIGHHH

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Can we communicate thru emails rather den here?And will ur mentor really help you?He left the company and he promised to get you out but in the end, he dint. he went back on his words. U shldnt hv trust anyone in the first place. Now you end up in such miserable state. sigh. So wad hv u been doing during weekends?

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

i really hope your prayers help it'll help you to calm your mind down. Today i put my anchor onto all my second last molars. its so uncomfy. i really hope that the end result will be beautiful else i'll cry my hearts out. since i decided to do ahead with my jaw surgery, ive to endure pain, physically. tho i cannot eat solid food, i still went ahead to eat it and jus swallow my food.. gee!

Anws, im going to see the dermatologist downstairs my hse. And tell me that you love me more than your other previous 1s. i really really am hoping that you will tell me what is going on. i can help, not monetary tho. Dun solve problems on your own, its always better to have more brain to brainstorm together for a perfect solution.

With love.

pondering

My friend says, "when you started working, nobody will even bother about your results as long you can work and do your job well."

To a certain extend, i agree to that, but on the other hand, with good results means that you have the knowledge on how to handle things tho in hospital they dun really practice what is taught. he says, den why do you still wana score so well?

i just wanted to prove 1 thing, all along, i think you were right, and my teachers were right. I have the potential to excel only when i am focus but i am always not focus. it's my weakness. Today, i am gona work on that,TO FOCUS, i wanna see how far i can really go, how far can my potentials bring me.

Even today, i still get distracted as and when, its still not easy but i will do my every best to pull myself back together again. so what if the hospital doesnt see your results, im doing it for me. And once i start work, im gona work hard for that two years to be the best as i can. And once im out of nursing, hopefully, i want to do real estates. i want to sell houses to rich family. i want to see the concept and designs of new houses. And earn loads of $ so that i can help alot of poor people around, help the disabled by coming to my horse field and learn horse riding. If only i can have that. I need the $ to help me,my family to retire happily and to help the world more, to help all those poor pple around. To give back to the society. But sigh.. i duno, i really duno.

Im not as giving as mother teresa. she is truely an amazing woman. ohwell, i guess ive just have to work hard. no matter wad, i'll still blog. thats for sure. :)

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Whats done is done, i called you which im not supposed to and we're broken. I guess all my recent post will be dedicated to you. Since i cannot tell you how i feel,i still want you to know how i feel and what is going on in my life. Its always easier to listen to your heart and its alot tougher to listen to your brain. i just simply cannot stop thinking of you. If you cannot take the fact that i have to blog about you all the time, den you can always click on the "cross" button to exit, im not forcing you to read it. Today i tried talking to my mom the way i talk to you, hoping she'll enlighten me with my silly tot but no. she's not as knowledgeable and patient as you are. Only you can really take all my silly tot and argue. Ytd i hugged your huge carebear to sleep and smiling at all the carebears that you gave me. Den again, the tot of me having to wait or maybe not wait and HAVE t move on,made me stop smiling and pushed all the carebears away.

I just have one request and nth more and nth less. wateva i blog in here, i just want you to reply and help me and guide me thru it. I promise i wont even think about contacting you. nth more, nth less.

move forward man.

If that is really how you want me to leave and believe that you dun love me. i will. Even tho i said that i will lose all form of communication from you, i dun think i'll bear to do that.You're afterall my first and my longest r/s that ive been thru with. If saying all that to make me leave, fine. i'll leave. But i'll always be thinking of you becuz u indeed made an impact in my life. i will live by my life and try to move on each day, tho its hard to live by each day without you but i will and i must. i cannot let everyone else down becuz of a fallen r/s. its unfair to them, tho its not fair for me either. i will live each day strongly.. day by day. As of now, its not easy. But ive to focus! my main focus is to do well in this semester,GPA 3.8! tho its gona be tough to pull my GPA up but i'll do my every best. As of now, bye forever. its really really tough to move on wen i walk pass all the places that we hang out, its really really tough to move on wen u smell this cologne on this person which uses the common perfume that you always use. CK one. everyday its so tough for me. wait wait. i need to stop this thought! what am i doing! i have to wake up! i cant carry on dwelling on my tots that is already in the past. its not fair!

MERINA JIAYOU!

MAIN FOCUS: STUDIES! DO WELL! Last chance to pull GPA up! LAST SEM AND LAST CHANCE! we're gona prove to Denise that our grp can be good, even better WITHOUT HER! likewise for u, without you, i can lead my life good, even better! I DUN NEED YOU AT ALL. Indeed, leaving me was the greatest decision you made, now ive more freedom and leaving in singlehood gona make life more fun for me! :D

MERINA JIAYOU! BE THE BEST OF THE BEST!

LIFE's SHORT! no time to dwell on things. WAKE UP WAKEUP!

"Love is not blind, it sees more and because it sees more, it is willing to see less."

Anw were supposed to do a FYP project and my friend wants to do AIDS board game. i suddenly tot of Nutrition commercials.

But however, check this AIDS commercials out. super hilarious

i need directions

im having a mixture of feelings now. sometimes i get so mad of why u decided to leave me, den the next moment. i shldnt be mad. sometimes i get sad, and the next moment i shldnt be.

Today someone used your cologne and came into my lecture hall, it distracted me from my lectures again. i really do miss you and you had to do this to me. i feel so angry on why you have to do this to me. Every single day i have to tell myself that i can do this, i can do this! i can just endure the pain and focus my energy to my studies. But somehow, i think the only thing i can do to make me feel better is to blog. i think blogging is already a part of me. To blog what my heart says. Tho sometimes the things i say contradicts to what i type. But whateva i type here are my true feelings. it comes from my heart. Gee.

At the meantime, i am planning to work in clarins during the weekends to spend my youth on them since i cant spend it with you. But ohwell, my friend who is 1 year younger den me is engaged to a doctor 10 yrs older. Gee. Prolly i'll marry to myself. i really dunno which direction i shld head. i wana do real estates in the future and i noe its gona be tough, some give up and some continue. i need the capital to start things off first but how? by saving my punny little savings? sighh. Or just stay on in nursing and be a sister which earns 5-6k 10yrs later? which im gona be like 31? i need 10k/mth! 10k! Even tho der is rumors about increasing pay for nurses, i think sooner or later, der will be an increment for every jobscope since singapore's standard of living is always going up. Shld i take the risk and switch my career to real estates which i noe nuts about but i FEEL that i am interested in? or shld i just stay on in nursing and head to AUSTRALIA or STATES to be a nurse? OR shld i stay on in nursing and study all e way to PHD be become DR NG? OR shld i take up marketing and den apply to be GM or director in a company? HOW??? :( i need directions. i am lost!!!!

pain. :(

2nd day of wearing separators. :( can feel that my teeth are aching and i cannot bite solid food. i need to literally chew them and SWALLOW. The aches are really bad. Got no appetite in eating now. And its only the second day of sch and im feeling the stress leveling up. gee!

separators done

Gee.

Did i tell you that i decided to go ahead with my Jaw surgery that alot of people do support me to go ahead, even my teacher says so. And since everything is going in the right direction for me, i thought, why not i just go ahead to plan for the surgery? And the doc that vic found is an experienced orthodontist and he assured me that i am in good hands. :) that is really assuring and my anxiety level can go from 5 to 0.

So yea, der is 3 visits for my braces to be done cuz mine is a surgical case. He put the separators for the 1st visit, which is today. Gee, its really uncomfy right now, i cannot close my mouth! i cannot bite cuz the rubberband is slightly higher den my teeth. And during the surgery, the surgeon will extract two of my filler-ed tooth and i may have to extract my wisdom tooth as well. 2nd visit is to do tooth extraction. :( i am gona be BOO-GAYYY. UGLY! :'(

And the 3rd visit will be the braces. i have to wear like 1 and a half year. boohoo. Der goes my youth. :( nvm! for that time-being! no looks. so have to work extra hard, prolly i wouldnt mingle and have wide social life. Gona keep low profile til my jaw is done. :) hopefully everything goes smoothly.

Meantime, continue to strive for my GPA3.8! time to see my CBT! :)

stubbornness may not be a bad thing.

OK!

FINE! i admit that i am truely stubborn and i will not want to or going to change that even if the whole world gona say that i am stubborn. that is just part of my personality traits or rather, people may see it as a flaw or downfall, why not see it as something that will be beneficial? And my brother says that i am as stubborn as a pillar, sis says that i am as stubborn as a cow. zzz

I just cannot change that. Too bad, to have the best in me, u got to tolerate my imperfection too. And ouh, guess i found an article that supports me even if my world dun!

Raising a stubborn child

Characteristics that can annoy you as a parent can actually turn into really positive attributes in your child in later years if you can help guide and direct them to formulate these quality characteristics. The following are a few traits that have a lot of potential.

Bossiness. If you have a bossy child you should count yourself lucky as the bossy ones often become the best leaders later in life. They know how to take control of a situation and to get responses from other people. Your goal as a parent should be to help them learn the responsibility that comes with bossing people so that they can be an actual leader not just a pain in the butt.

Willfulness. This is a trait that can frustrate parents to no end, but that can be really beneficial for your child's career objectives in the future. Willfulness often leads to a strong determination to succeed, despite the odds stacked against someone. So, if you want your child's willfulness to be a positive attribute then teach them to set goals, and to have purpose and thought behind it.

Stubborn. A stubborn child can turn into an assertive adult. A child who digs in their heels as refuses to budge can be frustrating, but an adult who refuses to compromise their standards is respectable. So, remember that your child just needs to be stubborn about the right things. Teach them to be selective about their stubbornness and it will serve them well in their future.

okok. gotta kinda repharse it. stubborn child in my parent's eyes. yea. Tho i am going to be an adult soon but yeaaaaa. i WAS a child! :)

And i guess recently i can really debate with my entire family members who always say all -ve stuff at me.

I guess being in my complicated r/s that i were in, not sure if i shld use past tense or etc, i really learnt alot from him. Only that walking encyclopedia has the patience to explain to me everything that i asked him. And perhaps, he really does have a really difficult time right now, i shouldnt mistrust him. He hasnt do anything that upsets me,other den throwing tantrum and shouting at me sometimes and showing attitude which how can a girl tolerate? :'( i am really concern about what is going on with his side. Is the situation really that bad that he has to abandon this going 2 years r/s? Sometimes it gets really confusing, whether to use your logical mind or ur emotional mind, which is the right brain.

The left and the right brain, as i can say, fight very often. Today, its the left brain that is talking, the very next moment, its the right brain that is talking. Gee, it is really really tough to manage. But i think its good to use both simultaneously. And i realised my weakness. They say, when you write, you are using your logical mind.But when you are conversing, you will use intuition instead.Somehow you will empathize the person and forgot to think logically and yet, you feel for the person, which, it will usually lead to trouble. Therefore, there is always this saying, "LOVE IS BLIND"

But for this r/s that i had or have?gee, which tense should i use? past or present? sighh. i knoe that i am not fully blinded, this guy is a really fantastic and great guy which many may think the stereotyped that he is out to cheat "little girls" i noe he is not that sort, but ohwell, he chose to leave for who noes what reasons and i hope he made the right choice based on his situation and the character that i have and pray hard that when he turns around, i will be with him again. Which he has to MAKE UP for my emotional state of mind, lost of sleep and tears and unfocus-ed mind.

Lastly, hope everything do turn out fine for that walking encyclopedia of mine, i meant used-to-be-mined. :)

For the time-being, i need to work my GPA up, i think to get all distinction! i already has got a distinction in my attachie wer the module credit is 6! yes! i aced it. CONTINUE TO FIGHT FORWARD! no slowly down. i need a GPA of 3.8! 3.8!!! nursing course shouldnot be that hard to score, all i need is to cut down on fb,msn,social life, surfing for unrelated stuffs and work more on those that i do not understand. At least without him now should be alot more manageable for me to work on my studies. Should not have any excuses at all. 3.8! i am coming to get u! just so you wait! GAMBATE!

1kg down. :)

Guess wad! i am 8kg away from my desired weight. :) i cant believe that my diet plan works! :D

okay, so before i went to Macau, i was 62kg and den after 1wk, i was 59kg. So den, after 3wks, i lost another kg. i am 58kg now! i barely hit 58kg in my entire life. well, 8more kg to go. And you noe wad? its really weird how the body works. you make your body adapt to your low calories diet from MONDAY TO FRIDAY an den, you have a cheat day. which is when your body has already adapt to your diet, you eat all the junk food. And i ate cheezy pizza over the weekends. just a day. and the next day i am back on my diet plan again. super low calories diet. And wahla, i lost weight. i'll tell you about the theory of how the body works soon. so that is it for now. :) 8 more kg to go.

kids incredible talk. so please! adults! listen to us! :)

Mascot

So i took about a day to finish doing my mascot for my NYEC residential project. is my mascot cute? it took me awhile to improve on my design. show u the inital design that i did.

So that was the inital design. just a draft. so the committee wanted a polar bear that stands. and it took me awhile to really crack my brain to search for a relevant design to my project. the theme is water-conservation. so i tot of having that design of a globe that has water wasted. At least it sends out the msg to people that hey, u gona conserve the water. so yup. one down, 3 more to go.But of cuz on other designs tho. simple one. hah. adios amigo. :)

PS: and guess wad! my teacher says she'll give me an awesome grade for my attachment! HEHE! 3 wks of hardwork PAID OFF! now have to work on my third year! have to continue to work hard, very hard! i wana see how far can i go and use all the potentials in me to excel! yea. totally motivated and i have to continue this sort of energy. JIAYOU! i totally regretted for not studying in my year 1. man. it totally pull me down. :(

Be Nice, but be ready to defend yourself against any rude attitudes

rising emotions again

i was watching my DVD happily until the selfish bitch woke up and make a hell of the noise to get what she wants.. again and again and again. she never change since i was little, until now. that self-centred bitch is my older sister. its unfair. its really unfair. we dun communicate and she tells everyone that she has a bad temper and she do not noe how to communicate. she cares but she only scolds. And what i did was just REACTING to her actions. it was her who provoked me. its unfair that i should be the one who should stand up and have a heart to heart talk with her. Ive tried, at least,but it dun seem to work. And now, she's pissed and im the one to be blamed for pissing her. Everyone sure does have a time of laziness, everyone sure does have a time of letting people do things rather den BEING TOLD to do things all the time.

And the damn plates, my dad wants to wash it, even if i wana wash it, he insists that he wants to wash it. And its not just me who dont do the washing of the plates, my brother doesnt wash it too. if wana scold, scold the both of us, not just me.

why is everyone just picking on me? is it becuz im the youngest and im the target for all of them to vent their anger and especially i dun really retaliate?

Or is it becuz i shldnt even be born at all? having my sister and my brother alone is good enuff. i dun care what people says about oh, your sister has bad temper and she always say stuff that she dun mean... if really so, why i dun seem to see/hear her apologizing to me for i have lived?oh, maybe i noe. maybe cuz she duno how to apologize to me or make it up for what she has said, jus let time heal the wound. she dun seem to wana improve things and all she does is go around telling people that hey, ive got a nasty temper and i dunno how to communicate so i will get other people to talk you around to tolerate my nonsense while i do not have to make much effort to change myself for the better at all.

i had enuff. i really had enuff of the shit. be it who you are or whether you are related to me. You hurt me times and times again. you're not fit to be my older sister at all.

i hope i do not have t attend your wedding at all.

i just cannot tolerate this nonsense over and over again. i had enuff. wen ive succeed in life, you and i will live our own lives, dun even bother looking up for me for i noe, you will want something from me. I HAD ENUFF. i really dun wana care about your live at all and i do not want you to interfere in mine either.

thinking

Hello,

phew. finally i can graduate wit all my classmates. :) Lucky i fought the battle hard against people who says it cant be done. its true that people only listens to what they want to listen. no one ever appealed successfully and im glad that my mentor is siding and helping me all the way though she's very naggy and blame people for the wrong reasons, overall, she is kindhearted and i know she cares. :) im glad that my appeal is successful :) i used to have people telling me that it cant be done and they have tried doing it but no one really bothered about the appeal and me being persistent with my decision and stubbornness, i din really bothered about what others who do not support me have to say at all. At least ive tried it myself and i wana try it with my own capabilities and not yours. Though for you, u might say the aircon in room A is freezing but for me, it may not be cuz i will not get chilled easily. situations varies from person to person. its different. Though i may be very stubborn but i have my reasons. though you might say that love hurts, dun ever get into a r/s and love some1 deeply, u'll get hurt, you better listen. yes, i listen and if i were to do it, its me whose gona experience all the pain and hurt. i cant cuz what people says dun do it and i dun do it. i wana feel it too.

Hope those around me understands, i do things without regret. life is to experience and the best thing is that im fortunate to be healthy and strong. Even if im leave this world, i will not have any regrets. :)

But i just dun get why the people i love always disappoint me greatly.i treated them with all my heart and i always end up getting hurt over and over again. i gave my heart to my bestfriend in primary school and she hurt me so badly. i gave my heart to my polyfriend and she also hurt me so badly. i wanted to be great friends with her and i know i can be her bestie bestfriend in poly but den again, she pushed me away, she made me teared so badly. And now, everytime i see her, i dunno if i should hate her or try to make things better which i think there isnt any progress. i kept trying back den but things dun seem to be better. i miss her, i really do but i dun think things will ever change again. we're just classmates and that is that. tho sometimes i feel like bringing you down cuz u hurt me so much. I guess i dun think i'll be able to forget those who hurt me. including my first crush or love or wateva.

HK,MACAU

Travelled t hk and macau again. gee! spent a wk overseas,its good to be back in your hometown. No smelling of ciggies and hair rigs of ciggie smell. ew! tot Sg may be small and der's alot of rules and fine. i shldnt deny tt Sg is a safe and peaceful country. Dun have t worry much at all. Even my 6yo kid can take the train on his/her own. But had fun at hk and macau tho, especially in venetian hotel. its ultra big! Makes me wana go to venice the next travel trip.

Damn com, cldnt upload pics. ohwell. too bad den. :(will try again

At airport alone.

Im at the Airport alone. Both excited and scared at the same time. i feel as tho i'll forget to bring something or anything or missed smth like tat .gee! First time boarding the airplane myself,first time checking-in, first time having to lookout for myself on which Gate to go, seats no. checked? things to bring checked? Time to board,checked? SLR beside me checked? passport checked? boarding tix checked? Gee. Now im missing my parents, having them to worry everything and we're so carefreeee, jus follow around. :) Now gona be independent. i feel like an idiot in the Airport cuz im doing everyting myself now not like before wer you were told to do A and A alone. Now you gona do everyting. :) FUN experience. But scared at times. Did i forget anything?
Will i be late? And ouh. talking about thatt. i was almost late for my flight. i overslept. Gave me a fucking shocked! i wanted to have a straight 1hr sleep b4 going off and my sis called me.zzz disturbed me. i was having a hard time trying to sleeep. sso 3am, RING!!!! as usual, off it and close my eyes. der goes 30mins and bro has to wake me up instead of me waking him up! GEEE!! im sucha failure. so irresponsible. tts the word to define. :( IM IRRESPONSIBLE. TIME BUCK UP! and now i feel as tho im going to go overseas to study. ha ha! okay. time to go.

ADIOS PEEPS!
Especially to baby, cousin,and CMED. etc. BYEEE! will be back on sat! damn! still gt wad NYEC mascot shit and bibs shit to design. wtf wtf wtf wtf!!!!! okok.SOMEONE HELPPPPP. byebye!

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