Wednesday, March 20, 2013


Time to work hard! 
Gona start being emotionally strong and not helpless. 

And finally, im gona smile no matter how hard life throws at me! 
okay. im writing this cuz someone gave me a life. 
thanks farouk! ;)

Monday, March 18, 2013

Happy times together. But behind these happy loving look, it says alot more to it. its the overcome of differences. And also he's the best thing God given to me. He is always there to battle down all tough situations yet still holds a smile on his face. Hope this last forever. :)  

Saturday, August 18, 2012

choices have consequences, choose wisely

Its true that choices have consequences, i learnt that the hard way. Really really hard way. i shldnt have gone for my surgery, i kinda regret it. i had everything that god has given me, i shld be happy but i wasnt satisfied. i wanted more, better perfection. i went ahead. To do it. now tho i have my straight teeth, slim body, am i happy? why am i not? that is wad i wanted. straight teeth, slim body, nice complexion but why am i not happy? oh! i think i noe. cuz i miss the past me and den again, its the transition period that ive to face. its always the transition period that is the struggle. After that. it'll all be good. i'll get used to it. Used to the life of the pure, demure looking girl. No more hot looking woman anymore. i should be satisfied and play towards my potential. 
God bless me! please! 

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Hi everyone! :) 

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

hottie. haha!

just to update! :)

morning blog! 
Today is a good sunny day ;)

                    Let me update on my facial progression first! still have abit of swelling. but its ok. dr. says the swelling will reduce towads the end of august. And den on the 15th of sept is the dnd, its once every two years so yea! i can wear nice after so long!! :) 

And it was nice to head back to work these days. i feel happy working where i am. WHICH IS BAD! i'll miss all of them after i leave. i raelly do!And i feel like i do not want to leave! But i cant. ive already made the decision to go means i have to go! For the better of my future and my dreams. i have turn into someone that i do not want to be or maybe it took me awhile to learn all of that. the characteristics of a true nurse. PATIENCE,COMPASSION,EMPATHY,KINDNESS,A HEART OF GOLD. And to be able to FEEL with my heart. i thank my job for teaching me all that but i think its time for me to go to do what i want to do to explore myself more! Should i go into property or marketing? seriously..i do not know! life's short and i only get to live once. hmm. passion does not give you money and its true. only money can give you passion. Gee. help!
toodles for now. Its jus a thought of the day. :) And yay! now i weigh 55kg. cant believe me not exercising actually lose more den exercising. okk. update soon again. :) have to go work now! 

Thursday, July 26, 2012

She opened me up more

Today i went for the private agency nursing interview at Amk. it was successful! however! the cases that i will be taking will be very few i guess since im new to it. Anw the interviewer had a long chat with me. In that amount of time, ive already learn alot from her about ethics and values. It strike me hard as i realised this is where i have been lacking. ethics and values. i realised wen we're so into our lives so much, on getting what we want, improving ourselves. i realised i forgot about ethics and values. she made me realised how important all that are. Responsibility,trust,quality! i must really thank her for waking me up alot! it made me realised ive lost the responsibility, trust and quality as the days gone by. I need to thank her alot! 
Thank you K. 

Year 2010-2012

Look at the changes i had in this 2 years. I grew up looking even younger! i miss my mature-hot and sexy face somehow. dr. says ive to wait for 1month for all the swelling to be down. hopefully i can have my face back!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Jaw surgery 3rd July 2012 pre-op

ok! so ive decided to post up my progress for the long awaiting JAW SURGERY! just ignore the back of me. please just focus on M.E! not the best picture. i admit! cldnt find a better one. :( As you can see, my Jaw is slightened to one side which is called jaw mid-line is off and my orthodontist said it was best to get the JAW CORRECTED else in long term, it'll affect me and he also mentioned my biting will be off too. tho you can see its abit mild slighten but ive wanted to correct it since i was young, just din get to find the right doctor. So all thanks to dr. soh jen from novena medical centre. :) Helped me alot to find a good surgeon as well. so prior to the jaw surgery. my orthodontist has already extracted 4 wisdom tooth and took out 2 teeth from me. yes. thats a total of 6! which i still keep it in my drawer til now! haha! 
And i donated 2pints of blood for my own surgery. funny isnt it. but thats their protocol. yes! donate ur own blood for ur own surgery! i tot dey got it wrong or smth. but its not! 
So it was it. i was warded in ward 55 for a night. if i din rmb wrongly. its ward 55. yea! went to the admission office alone and before that. the best part was i was told to stay at home til the admission office side called me up and says she'll call me back once the bed is ready. sooo. ok! i waited patiently!
And the call came, went down myself and admit myself there. 
mom,dad,cousin and her friend came to visit me. And some nice people who texted me and wished me GOOD LUCK!

4th July 2012! OP-DAY!
So there it is. the op day! the anxiety to the max day, the day that u'll start to feel anxious and scared. its called people call it as pre-anxiety surgery! Yes. i was feeling that. i was all prepared,kinda! prayed at night and pray that the surgery went well. fasted 12mn. bathed and wore the blue OT gown! 8am, you could already hear the OT trolley coming for you to take you in. prayed even harder once i was at the OT. the drs,anesthetist checked on me. anesthetist inserted an arch line in my left hand which until now there's a scar. i duno why for me, the healing process always seem to leave scars behide. my mom dun have it tho. i can have someone scratched me on my arms and there is it. a scar now. duno why either. ok. back to track. hah! the dr said the procedure will take about 5hours or so. But it take me 8hours! 
When i was at the OT table, the anesthetist gave me nasal decongestion so that they cld put the breathing tube in. after den, i already see twinkle twinkle stars already and the next moment. you're totally knocked out! the next thing you noe, you're in the recovery room with ur mouth tied up! The op i went for is Le fort 1 surgery. 
i cld tell you! thats the worse day of my life! i dun wana recall the nightmare! i wanted to be back to HD so the specialise nurses can take good care of me instead of them! When i was in the recovery room, i was literally fighting with myself mentally. you have to be mentally tough on this. For me, i know i was weak or something cuz i was already having all sort of crazy thoughts running thru my head. that day and night was a mentally challenged time. its way worse den i thought. Guess i was already having alittle depression,that was why. always thinking about what could the worse happened. oh well! so there it is! me! in HD ward 57!

YES! my teeth were all tied up with rubber bands! lots of it. two drains for the blood to drain out. the nurses have to clear it once its full. And cuz i was given loads of morphine cuz the dr. tot i was in so much pain in the recovery room which i wasnt.i was jus feeling really nausea which i din noe. i was feeling damn lousy and i think i wanted to vomit but i was lying supine with my teeth tied up and i cldnt TALK!!!!! so yea. made me vomitted 6times! dried blood. how? thats right. with my teeth tied up! damn tough but managed to vomit them out. i was utterly suprised myself that i cld do that. i was worried sick that my jaw cld come off or smth. there were a suction beside me so i can suction all the secretions as and well i feel like it. the moment i vomit, my nose bleed too. called apistaxis. Do i look cute in the picture btw? haha! i think i look cute tho. lol. mom and dad came to see me and their heart really ache to see me in such state. So yea. there were also a urine catheter in me. so i dun have to move much to pee. phew! there were alot of pee inside that bag tho! 
like i said. it was a mental tumoil for me post-op!i do not know wads the reason for me to keep thinking things so negative and thinking whats the worse could happened. i had to consciously tell myself that everything is fine and stop that horrible thought!
But usually after surgery, not just Jaw surgery, any kind of surgery, the first post op day is always the most painful day. but be sure that you have family and friends to support you and help you get thru the day! after that day, it will be all just fine, the road to better me!  those who are comtemplating on doing their surgery, this post is based on MY OWN EXPERIENCE AND WHAT I FELT.  :)

5th July 2012!
"wake up! time to take ur blood pressure and temperature" said the nurse, its morning already! Really glad that i survived that nightmare! Im tough somehow aint I. hehe! lucky mom came ytd to support me else it will be tough i admit it!
"Hi, merina! im Dr. A, this is my assistant, Dr.B, today i think you are ready to take off the two drains and the rubberbands, my assistant will help me to take it off for you ok." "sure, but please be gentle" said the mentally weak patient- yes! i admit. its ME! 
"ok good! dun worry, i will be gentle. just bear with me alittle ok! said Dr.A with a wide smile.
"ok good, its off. After Dr.peck sees you, he will most likely send you to the dental clinic to do some cleaning for you and you can most prob take off the urine catheter as well." okkk! i was glad! 

There! i was on the way to the dental clinic at the basement. i din noe the clinics in SGH basement existed!hah!sooooo. the dentist was late cuz he was caught in the heavy traffic and i was there waiting for him quietly and tortureously! the dentist was really nice! He was very patient and he taught me how to take care of my teeth and stuff and tell me not to worry much. i felt like he's more of a friend den a dr. haha! soooo yes. its all swollen. i look like the lizard in spider-man 4 show! 
Dr. peck(maxillary surgeon) said i cld start on my liquid diet already. awesome! 
i was using the syringe and the iv drip tubing to syringe in my Ensure. Headed back to HD, moved about with my swollen face. gee! the nurse said i was the only one that vomitted the most and also the one who can talk very soon. haha! 
Aunt and cousin came to see me! brought soya milk let me drink. :)) 
okk. so clean up abit and stuff,headed to the female room. 

6th july 2012!

Go home day! wee! after that. And my mom's colleague got that for me. :) thanks aunty Janet! Made my day tho i got major problem smiling! haha! 
Soooo yea. i had to be on liquid diet for 2 weeks til the next appt my dr. says i can eat porridge. i lost like 4kg! i tot i cld lose more but apparently cannot already. GeeGee!
so yea. i was on a month MC! stayed at home resting. :)
so yea. so these are the gradual progress day by day!

 After 3rd week. started on soft diet. 

People says i look like kid! :( have to wait like 1more mth for the swelling to go down! 

those who wants to go for surgery, i hope this helps and gives you a good idea about the process of the surgery and how it is like so you can be mentally prepared for it. :) 
So far IM HAPPY WITH IT. no pain no gain right. haha. 
OK! thats all folks! there are actually more but ive been sitting here for hours typing this up. so yea. 
haha! next week heading back to work! i guess i wouldnt have peace for like the first few days! ppl will be asking me about my face! Gee! will update this post again prolly tomorrow or wad. :) My english is terrible! i know! spare me! haha!