BUSY!

So busyyy! week 4 i got so many school thing due on that week! GAWD! 2 ICA ppt, 2 assessment skills, 1 FYP ppt! wk5 is to hand in the critics of the FYP journal. wk11 gona have 3 major examinations. Den wk 17-20 got YOG. wahh. Den wk 20-21 got another 3 major exams! gee! so busy! Gona fight and focus hard to score GPA 3.8! JIAYOU grp members and jiayou to myself too! i got totally no time for conflicts and shit in class anymore.

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Gee. how can anyone be able to believe that you, working in an educated society, yet you can have him controlling everything? So afterall, he is really something instead of nth. And dun tell anyone? aint i typing to you everything showing to everyone now? And how he checks your email? He DO NT HAVE THE RIGHTS TO. you're his employee who works for him. Not some dirt. Wad you did to him that you deserve to be punished like that?And i am giving you an extra solution, use public phone to call me, or call lixin or emily or whoever. Or get your sister to call me and tell me what is going on. Or use your sis's FB to tell me what is going on. Is that enuff solutions yet? Not enuff, i can give you more. Nth is impossible. Im sure you are smarter than he is. If you still cannot think of ways to contact me DIRECTLY than contact me INDIRECTLY to contact me directly. Else i think there isnt a point for you to continue reading my blog and me blogging you. And i dun think J will do anything, he is so famous in the media now. We wun dare to do anything, tell me if im wrong. Im giving you 1 week to contact me, no matter wad. If you have no solutions, i will help you. And if until now, you still decide not to tell me. Only unsound and naive mind will believe what you say. You can always send your sister or whoever to tell me what is going on if you think you cannot afford to risk it. You can use your sis's hp to call me. If all these are not the right solutions and still not enuff for you to remove J completely. Dun worry, by den i will noe what i really want to do. I will stop blogging about how much i missed you etc etc. i will definitely detest you, i will definitely want you OUT OF MY LIFE, i will definitely condemn you and ohya, just a reminder, females are bitches when they are hurt or angry, so i dunno if you want to trigger that in me. If you really love me, prove it to me or ask your God to talk to me. i dun want you to text, i want you to either call me or get someone you and i noe to look up and tell me what is wrong. If you do not have the guts to tell me that actually, you met a new girl and you're dating her or you cannot afford to "feed" me or you dunwant me to think that you're incapable cuz ur not earning much or actually whateva you told me abt J threatening and stuff are all lies to get me out of your life. Really, it is really fine with me. So long you tell me the truth, i wont condemn you or wadeva. No worries. i keep my word.

Your 1 week starts now. Thursday 29/04/2010(dun need to feel stress, you got until next thursday)

Anw, after i lost a slight weight, my boobs shrink Drastically. Gee. that is really saddening. From C to B cup ah. Mayb A cup. :( Must be sm1 cursing me. My boob seems to shrink over nite. :( SIGHHH

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Can we communicate thru emails rather den here?And will ur mentor really help you?He left the company and he promised to get you out but in the end, he dint. he went back on his words. U shldnt hv trust anyone in the first place. Now you end up in such miserable state. sigh. So wad hv u been doing during weekends?

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

i really hope your prayers help it'll help you to calm your mind down. Today i put my anchor onto all my second last molars. its so uncomfy. i really hope that the end result will be beautiful else i'll cry my hearts out. since i decided to do ahead with my jaw surgery, ive to endure pain, physically. tho i cannot eat solid food, i still went ahead to eat it and jus swallow my food.. gee!

Anws, im going to see the dermatologist downstairs my hse. And tell me that you love me more than your other previous 1s. i really really am hoping that you will tell me what is going on. i can help, not monetary tho. Dun solve problems on your own, its always better to have more brain to brainstorm together for a perfect solution.

With love.

pondering

My friend says, "when you started working, nobody will even bother about your results as long you can work and do your job well."

To a certain extend, i agree to that, but on the other hand, with good results means that you have the knowledge on how to handle things tho in hospital they dun really practice what is taught. he says, den why do you still wana score so well?

i just wanted to prove 1 thing, all along, i think you were right, and my teachers were right. I have the potential to excel only when i am focus but i am always not focus. it's my weakness. Today, i am gona work on that,TO FOCUS, i wanna see how far i can really go, how far can my potentials bring me.

Even today, i still get distracted as and when, its still not easy but i will do my every best to pull myself back together again. so what if the hospital doesnt see your results, im doing it for me. And once i start work, im gona work hard for that two years to be the best as i can. And once im out of nursing, hopefully, i want to do real estates. i want to sell houses to rich family. i want to see the concept and designs of new houses. And earn loads of $ so that i can help alot of poor people around, help the disabled by coming to my horse field and learn horse riding. If only i can have that. I need the $ to help me,my family to retire happily and to help the world more, to help all those poor pple around. To give back to the society. But sigh.. i duno, i really duno.

Im not as giving as mother teresa. she is truely an amazing woman. ohwell, i guess ive just have to work hard. no matter wad, i'll still blog. thats for sure. :)

TO YOU AND JUST YOU

Whats done is done, i called you which im not supposed to and we're broken. I guess all my recent post will be dedicated to you. Since i cannot tell you how i feel,i still want you to know how i feel and what is going on in my life. Its always easier to listen to your heart and its alot tougher to listen to your brain. i just simply cannot stop thinking of you. If you cannot take the fact that i have to blog about you all the time, den you can always click on the "cross" button to exit, im not forcing you to read it. Today i tried talking to my mom the way i talk to you, hoping she'll enlighten me with my silly tot but no. she's not as knowledgeable and patient as you are. Only you can really take all my silly tot and argue. Ytd i hugged your huge carebear to sleep and smiling at all the carebears that you gave me. Den again, the tot of me having to wait or maybe not wait and HAVE t move on,made me stop smiling and pushed all the carebears away.

I just have one request and nth more and nth less. wateva i blog in here, i just want you to reply and help me and guide me thru it. I promise i wont even think about contacting you. nth more, nth less.

move forward man.

If that is really how you want me to leave and believe that you dun love me. i will. Even tho i said that i will lose all form of communication from you, i dun think i'll bear to do that.You're afterall my first and my longest r/s that ive been thru with. If saying all that to make me leave, fine. i'll leave. But i'll always be thinking of you becuz u indeed made an impact in my life. i will live by my life and try to move on each day, tho its hard to live by each day without you but i will and i must. i cannot let everyone else down becuz of a fallen r/s. its unfair to them, tho its not fair for me either. i will live each day strongly.. day by day. As of now, its not easy. But ive to focus! my main focus is to do well in this semester,GPA 3.8! tho its gona be tough to pull my GPA up but i'll do my every best. As of now, bye forever. its really really tough to move on wen i walk pass all the places that we hang out, its really really tough to move on wen u smell this cologne on this person which uses the common perfume that you always use. CK one. everyday its so tough for me. wait wait. i need to stop this thought! what am i doing! i have to wake up! i cant carry on dwelling on my tots that is already in the past. its not fair!

MERINA JIAYOU!

MAIN FOCUS: STUDIES! DO WELL! Last chance to pull GPA up! LAST SEM AND LAST CHANCE! we're gona prove to Denise that our grp can be good, even better WITHOUT HER! likewise for u, without you, i can lead my life good, even better! I DUN NEED YOU AT ALL. Indeed, leaving me was the greatest decision you made, now ive more freedom and leaving in singlehood gona make life more fun for me! :D

MERINA JIAYOU! BE THE BEST OF THE BEST!

LIFE's SHORT! no time to dwell on things. WAKE UP WAKEUP!

"Love is not blind, it sees more and because it sees more, it is willing to see less."

Anw were supposed to do a FYP project and my friend wants to do AIDS board game. i suddenly tot of Nutrition commercials.

But however, check this AIDS commercials out. super hilarious

i need directions

im having a mixture of feelings now. sometimes i get so mad of why u decided to leave me, den the next moment. i shldnt be mad. sometimes i get sad, and the next moment i shldnt be.

Today someone used your cologne and came into my lecture hall, it distracted me from my lectures again. i really do miss you and you had to do this to me. i feel so angry on why you have to do this to me. Every single day i have to tell myself that i can do this, i can do this! i can just endure the pain and focus my energy to my studies. But somehow, i think the only thing i can do to make me feel better is to blog. i think blogging is already a part of me. To blog what my heart says. Tho sometimes the things i say contradicts to what i type. But whateva i type here are my true feelings. it comes from my heart. Gee.

At the meantime, i am planning to work in clarins during the weekends to spend my youth on them since i cant spend it with you. But ohwell, my friend who is 1 year younger den me is engaged to a doctor 10 yrs older. Gee. Prolly i'll marry to myself. i really dunno which direction i shld head. i wana do real estates in the future and i noe its gona be tough, some give up and some continue. i need the capital to start things off first but how? by saving my punny little savings? sighh. Or just stay on in nursing and be a sister which earns 5-6k 10yrs later? which im gona be like 31? i need 10k/mth! 10k! Even tho der is rumors about increasing pay for nurses, i think sooner or later, der will be an increment for every jobscope since singapore's standard of living is always going up. Shld i take the risk and switch my career to real estates which i noe nuts about but i FEEL that i am interested in? or shld i just stay on in nursing and head to AUSTRALIA or STATES to be a nurse? OR shld i stay on in nursing and study all e way to PHD be become DR NG? OR shld i take up marketing and den apply to be GM or director in a company? HOW??? :( i need directions. i am lost!!!!

pain. :(

2nd day of wearing separators. :( can feel that my teeth are aching and i cannot bite solid food. i need to literally chew them and SWALLOW. The aches are really bad. Got no appetite in eating now. And its only the second day of sch and im feeling the stress leveling up. gee!

separators done

Gee.

Did i tell you that i decided to go ahead with my Jaw surgery that alot of people do support me to go ahead, even my teacher says so. And since everything is going in the right direction for me, i thought, why not i just go ahead to plan for the surgery? And the doc that vic found is an experienced orthodontist and he assured me that i am in good hands. :) that is really assuring and my anxiety level can go from 5 to 0.

So yea, der is 3 visits for my braces to be done cuz mine is a surgical case. He put the separators for the 1st visit, which is today. Gee, its really uncomfy right now, i cannot close my mouth! i cannot bite cuz the rubberband is slightly higher den my teeth. And during the surgery, the surgeon will extract two of my filler-ed tooth and i may have to extract my wisdom tooth as well. 2nd visit is to do tooth extraction. :( i am gona be BOO-GAYYY. UGLY! :'(

And the 3rd visit will be the braces. i have to wear like 1 and a half year. boohoo. Der goes my youth. :( nvm! for that time-being! no looks. so have to work extra hard, prolly i wouldnt mingle and have wide social life. Gona keep low profile til my jaw is done. :) hopefully everything goes smoothly.

Meantime, continue to strive for my GPA3.8! time to see my CBT! :)

stubbornness may not be a bad thing.

OK!

FINE! i admit that i am truely stubborn and i will not want to or going to change that even if the whole world gona say that i am stubborn. that is just part of my personality traits or rather, people may see it as a flaw or downfall, why not see it as something that will be beneficial? And my brother says that i am as stubborn as a pillar, sis says that i am as stubborn as a cow. zzz

I just cannot change that. Too bad, to have the best in me, u got to tolerate my imperfection too. And ouh, guess i found an article that supports me even if my world dun!

Raising a stubborn child

Characteristics that can annoy you as a parent can actually turn into really positive attributes in your child in later years if you can help guide and direct them to formulate these quality characteristics. The following are a few traits that have a lot of potential.

Bossiness. If you have a bossy child you should count yourself lucky as the bossy ones often become the best leaders later in life. They know how to take control of a situation and to get responses from other people. Your goal as a parent should be to help them learn the responsibility that comes with bossing people so that they can be an actual leader not just a pain in the butt.

Willfulness. This is a trait that can frustrate parents to no end, but that can be really beneficial for your child's career objectives in the future. Willfulness often leads to a strong determination to succeed, despite the odds stacked against someone. So, if you want your child's willfulness to be a positive attribute then teach them to set goals, and to have purpose and thought behind it.

Stubborn. A stubborn child can turn into an assertive adult. A child who digs in their heels as refuses to budge can be frustrating, but an adult who refuses to compromise their standards is respectable. So, remember that your child just needs to be stubborn about the right things. Teach them to be selective about their stubbornness and it will serve them well in their future.

okok. gotta kinda repharse it. stubborn child in my parent's eyes. yea. Tho i am going to be an adult soon but yeaaaaa. i WAS a child! :)

And i guess recently i can really debate with my entire family members who always say all -ve stuff at me.

I guess being in my complicated r/s that i were in, not sure if i shld use past tense or etc, i really learnt alot from him. Only that walking encyclopedia has the patience to explain to me everything that i asked him. And perhaps, he really does have a really difficult time right now, i shouldnt mistrust him. He hasnt do anything that upsets me,other den throwing tantrum and shouting at me sometimes and showing attitude which how can a girl tolerate? :'( i am really concern about what is going on with his side. Is the situation really that bad that he has to abandon this going 2 years r/s? Sometimes it gets really confusing, whether to use your logical mind or ur emotional mind, which is the right brain.

The left and the right brain, as i can say, fight very often. Today, its the left brain that is talking, the very next moment, its the right brain that is talking. Gee, it is really really tough to manage. But i think its good to use both simultaneously. And i realised my weakness. They say, when you write, you are using your logical mind.But when you are conversing, you will use intuition instead.Somehow you will empathize the person and forgot to think logically and yet, you feel for the person, which, it will usually lead to trouble. Therefore, there is always this saying, "LOVE IS BLIND"

But for this r/s that i had or have?gee, which tense should i use? past or present? sighh. i knoe that i am not fully blinded, this guy is a really fantastic and great guy which many may think the stereotyped that he is out to cheat "little girls" i noe he is not that sort, but ohwell, he chose to leave for who noes what reasons and i hope he made the right choice based on his situation and the character that i have and pray hard that when he turns around, i will be with him again. Which he has to MAKE UP for my emotional state of mind, lost of sleep and tears and unfocus-ed mind.

Lastly, hope everything do turn out fine for that walking encyclopedia of mine, i meant used-to-be-mined. :)

For the time-being, i need to work my GPA up, i think to get all distinction! i already has got a distinction in my attachie wer the module credit is 6! yes! i aced it. CONTINUE TO FIGHT FORWARD! no slowly down. i need a GPA of 3.8! 3.8!!! nursing course shouldnot be that hard to score, all i need is to cut down on fb,msn,social life, surfing for unrelated stuffs and work more on those that i do not understand. At least without him now should be alot more manageable for me to work on my studies. Should not have any excuses at all. 3.8! i am coming to get u! just so you wait! GAMBATE!

1kg down. :)

Guess wad! i am 8kg away from my desired weight. :) i cant believe that my diet plan works! :D

okay, so before i went to Macau, i was 62kg and den after 1wk, i was 59kg. So den, after 3wks, i lost another kg. i am 58kg now! i barely hit 58kg in my entire life. well, 8more kg to go. And you noe wad? its really weird how the body works. you make your body adapt to your low calories diet from MONDAY TO FRIDAY an den, you have a cheat day. which is when your body has already adapt to your diet, you eat all the junk food. And i ate cheezy pizza over the weekends. just a day. and the next day i am back on my diet plan again. super low calories diet. And wahla, i lost weight. i'll tell you about the theory of how the body works soon. so that is it for now. :) 8 more kg to go.

kids incredible talk. so please! adults! listen to us! :)

Mascot

So i took about a day to finish doing my mascot for my NYEC residential project. is my mascot cute? it took me awhile to improve on my design. show u the inital design that i did.

So that was the inital design. just a draft. so the committee wanted a polar bear that stands. and it took me awhile to really crack my brain to search for a relevant design to my project. the theme is water-conservation. so i tot of having that design of a globe that has water wasted. At least it sends out the msg to people that hey, u gona conserve the water. so yup. one down, 3 more to go.But of cuz on other designs tho. simple one. hah. adios amigo. :)

PS: and guess wad! my teacher says she'll give me an awesome grade for my attachment! HEHE! 3 wks of hardwork PAID OFF! now have to work on my third year! have to continue to work hard, very hard! i wana see how far can i go and use all the potentials in me to excel! yea. totally motivated and i have to continue this sort of energy. JIAYOU! i totally regretted for not studying in my year 1. man. it totally pull me down. :(

Be Nice, but be ready to defend yourself against any rude attitudes

rising emotions again

i was watching my DVD happily until the selfish bitch woke up and make a hell of the noise to get what she wants.. again and again and again. she never change since i was little, until now. that self-centred bitch is my older sister. its unfair. its really unfair. we dun communicate and she tells everyone that she has a bad temper and she do not noe how to communicate. she cares but she only scolds. And what i did was just REACTING to her actions. it was her who provoked me. its unfair that i should be the one who should stand up and have a heart to heart talk with her. Ive tried, at least,but it dun seem to work. And now, she's pissed and im the one to be blamed for pissing her. Everyone sure does have a time of laziness, everyone sure does have a time of letting people do things rather den BEING TOLD to do things all the time.

And the damn plates, my dad wants to wash it, even if i wana wash it, he insists that he wants to wash it. And its not just me who dont do the washing of the plates, my brother doesnt wash it too. if wana scold, scold the both of us, not just me.

why is everyone just picking on me? is it becuz im the youngest and im the target for all of them to vent their anger and especially i dun really retaliate?

Or is it becuz i shldnt even be born at all? having my sister and my brother alone is good enuff. i dun care what people says about oh, your sister has bad temper and she always say stuff that she dun mean... if really so, why i dun seem to see/hear her apologizing to me for i have lived?oh, maybe i noe. maybe cuz she duno how to apologize to me or make it up for what she has said, jus let time heal the wound. she dun seem to wana improve things and all she does is go around telling people that hey, ive got a nasty temper and i dunno how to communicate so i will get other people to talk you around to tolerate my nonsense while i do not have to make much effort to change myself for the better at all.

i had enuff. i really had enuff of the shit. be it who you are or whether you are related to me. You hurt me times and times again. you're not fit to be my older sister at all.

i hope i do not have t attend your wedding at all.

i just cannot tolerate this nonsense over and over again. i had enuff. wen ive succeed in life, you and i will live our own lives, dun even bother looking up for me for i noe, you will want something from me. I HAD ENUFF. i really dun wana care about your live at all and i do not want you to interfere in mine either.