Frustrated

Bonjour!

losing weight is so tough but putting on weight is like ABC. it just took me a few days for the weight t get back up. Je suis triste(Im sad). :( im 2kg fatter now. so angry with myself for not having that disciplined t stop impulsive eating! i need to stop that and i need to push myself to exercise more and eat less. i really do. Today wanted to wake up early to run but i laze around lying on my bed again. sigh. Im useless. But at least i did the laundry and cleaning up my room. its been weeks i last clean up my room.

Im frustrated over my expenditure!!! im going bali and europe soon and i can just spend so carefreely. i seem to have a really carefree mood like everything does not bother me at all. Actually it does. Everyday does bother me that to the extent, i decided not to bother cuz if i do,i'll get even more frustrated that WHY THINGS AINT GOING WHAT I WANT! yea. i guess people do get frustrated when things do not go as its supposed to. But ohwell. just have to pick urself up again from where you fall and NEVER GIVE UP and keep going and tell urself not to make the mistake again.

Even seem i got my allowance from the hospital, it seems like im going poorer and poorer. At least when i do not have allowance, i get to save up all the $. But from the savings i had, its depleting. As you start reaching adulthood, there are bills to pay, insurance coverage, maintenance. Sigh. sometimes i just wondered why am i not a guy. oh. no. better not be a guy cuz its even more stressful. Tho you dun need maintenance for urself but you got to pay for ur gf's everything,i mean mostly!haha. Being a guy is not easy either and being a girl is neither easy too. ohwell. INDEED,YOU CANT HAVE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS,that applies t some. hah.

Work starting soon and im pretty scared actually, and i think i sort of decided not to stay in nursing else i can just remain to be single and prolly convert myself to be a nun in future. Every family wants the best for their kid. Sigh. im gona be an adult soon in like 8more months! how should i celebrate my bday when i got barely much savings now. :( Should i call ALL THE FRIENDS SINCE PRI SCH TIL NOW or shld i just call the closest people and up my budget since they're the ones that are der all the time while friends are just people who helped you along the way. hmmm. how how! having it at chalet? too cliche. yacht?too ex. club? not everyone of my friend likes it. gawd. HEADACHE.

Heading to bali next monday! haven prepare yet

Heading to my dad's friend's wedding at intercontinental in afew mins time. i really dun feel like going! IM LIKE GETTING FATTER! :( i read over the internet that the media are tryin to promote curvy girls now. Big is sexy,like my size. hurhur! But nahhh.cannot get influence but it and give up losing weight. The idea is to feel good about urself! But i am soooooooooooooo not right now. i miss running competitively. Why cant sports industry pay employees higher wages?! Sigh.

C'est tout gens (thats all folks).