thinking...

:O

brudder's masterPIECE!=D
felt like blogging again.been counting for my prelims and O's levels, i kept thinking how much time is needed for revision and how much time i had studied,how much time had passed,how much time i slept and how much time i interacted with my friends lately.i realised that i left little time for my revision to O's.people take a few months to years to prepare for their o's,they take consistency in their work.but for me? i've yet to start,knowing i left with few more weeks to my major exams,it really got me thinking how stress i could be.i got back my Chinese o's result and i did bad.i got a shocking D7.seriously, i din expect myself to get a D.maybe a C,that,i wouldn't be surprised.but i got a D.i cant accept the fact that i got a D.2 more weeks to Chinese prelims,i better do well to prove to myself that i can do better in my chinese.decided to retake my Chinese again.
time really flies,a week has alr gone by and 8 more weeks to O's.indeed am counting.every single day, i told myself that i can't relax.the moment i reached home,bathed and everything,i started to mug.seriously, i have so much things to catch up.can i really get an A?sometimes i really felt so useless and lousy.sometimes i dont even know who am i, what kinda person am i.sometimes i really wondered wad my future will be like.people says your character is ur destiny.the characters that i carries now may lead me to no better future.
after track&field had closed down and step down from student leadership, i felt so lost and useless.i felt that i can't make decisions and suddenly felt that i have low self esteem.i am feeling so lost now. i tried to think of my good qualities in me, but i realised i have none which is extreme and outstanding.*sigh. track and field really build my characters up, it helped me to find me.but who am i now? i feel so lousy now. i am always following people ard and making decisions without thinking.wanna noe wads my feelings now? i am feeling oh-so-dumb,feeling so dependant on people,feeling so fat and stress and lonely and friendless and low self esteem and so not out-going and so whiny, so gossipy, so bad saying pple behind their back, so confused, so slow so...(it just will nv finish)
why have i became like this?wad made me to be like this now?i wanna be the old me again.where is the old me now?*sigh.wad gotten into me this year.
anw,my class has seriously loads of conflicts.its more than any other classes,thats wad i feel.my class is definitely been split into 2 cliques.the guys with the gurls and the gurls with the gurls.only i understand wad i am typing.ha!and somehow,it really makes me wondered why a class that has been together since sec1,seems to be difficult to hang out or even talk to sometimes.its been 4yrs and more that we have come together as a class,wad should i exactly call them?just classmates?literally plain classmates?or should i even call them my friends?i really dunno.why are der still so many backstabbing and talking behind classmates's back?come to think of it, i realised i dun even noe much abt them.hopefully shanghai trip could better understand them.
okay, i must start mugging now.GOOD LUCK!