stressed

The older i get, the more liabilities ive to pay. there isnt much difference btw getting more pay or less. i think i shouldnt say that. in actual fact, i am spending more and hardly able to save much at all. Having tension headaches thinking of all these. im not in control of my own life. i need to earn more $. My shift work is killing me but i shldnt let that hinder me. Im giving excuses and blaming about everything else but the only person that can change the situation is ME! me,myself and i! Why shld i blame others and hving excuses for such sucky situations that i am in? its not gona change anything about my life. i need to strive and motivate myself! i need to tell myself that its a challenge for me to get thru this stronger. wow. writing really helps me to clear up my thoughts, without writing, i got a hard and blurry fragments of thoughts. dismotivated, unhappy,stress and pressured. thats what im feeling right now. im not exactly lost. i mean i always thought i am when im not writing to clear up my thoughts. But in fact, i need the cash to do investments. i need to save up the $! there's so many things to think about,that explains why he always say im stressed cuz i grind my teeth very loud at night everyday. Am i gona end up in my sister's plight? stress,unhappy,pressured and dismotivated as well? i think im alr behide her running in her journey. i need to talk to her to understand how she feels exactly but we hardly able to communicate like older sister guiding her younger one. she doesnt have the time to guide me and tell me whats wrong. For him, he's always saying me, he doesnt bother to do smth sweet and simple to make me smile. he gets pissed when im pissed. ive got my own pressure and problems but he doesnt understand and he get pissed for i blowin up at times which makes me even more stressed and pressured. shouldnt have celebrated my 21st as its the year where you're gona face alot of responsibilities. tough challenge god has given me but just gotta pull thru this and fight!  Thinking of a bigger picture scares me. lets just take things one step at a time.