thinking

Hello blog,

once again, its been a long time since i last blogged. gee! blog oh blog, i feel that i do not have the drive and motivation anymore. i dunno wad am i working hard for and why shld i? being a nurse cant get me wealthy, drive lamborghini, stay in big house, have a big dog to exercise with. :(
how can i get my motivation from? HOW? and WHERE? gee. im depressed. losing my focus and direction right now. :(

How exactly can i get what i want? :(



PS: everyone loves athletes cuz they focus on their goals thru discipline,determine and perservences.

Which i sort of forgotten how i shld get to my goal. JIAYOU!

Focus is key, visualize every single moment of wad i want, who i wana become.
Cant let external pressure to get me down. I need to be discipline! Its time to stress myself BIG TIME to excel.

COME ON COME ON! im really weak! i need someone t be der t say that im stupid, im a weakling, im worse off den whoever. i need someone to poke me hard t wake me up! to trigger my anger. to look down on me so i can work really hard. I NEED SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER DEN ME TO SAY THAT I AM USELESS AND LOUSY TO TRIGGER MY MOTIVATION T WORK HARD! I NEED THAT.

I NEED TAT CONSTANT REMINDER THAT I NEED TO WORK HARD! MAN! I CANT SLEEP AS AND WEN, I CANT WAKE UP AS AND WEN. COME ON! FIGHT ON! THINK ABOUT MY FOCUS AND GOAL GOD DAMN IT! I HATE MYSELF! I REALLY DO!

I DUN DESERVE ANY LOVE FROM ANY ONE AT ALL! I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK!!!!! URGHHHHHH!!! MERINA IS A SHIT ASS HOPELESS SHIT! WORSE DEN A WORM! FREAKKK!!!! I SUCK I SUCK I SUCK!. OK. time to study hard now.